My wife and I just finished watching the now ‘famous’ divorce episode of Jon and Kate plus 8. While I’m not a big fan or follower of the show, I would like to extend massive prayer towards the family, as they are in the public eye and have claimed the name of Christ. They are but one family across the nation in this kind of predicament. Here are some of my thoughts on what’s gone on. My prayer with these thoughts is not that they would come across as blunt or crass, but that they would perhaps be a help to another married couple or family that may be going through something similar. I also want to give hope to not only Jon and Kate, but to everyday people going through similar situations.

What Seems to Have Happened

While I’m no expert on the couple, nor do I have insider information, I think what has happened has become clear in the conversations/interviews presented on tonight’s episode: the eight children of Jon and Kate have become One Big Monster Idol. The show hasn’t caused this (though it certainly didn’t help). And the blame isn’t on the children either; it’s solely on Mom and Dad here. Listen to the way they talked: “this is their house”, “my kids are number one“, “i have to do what’s best for my kids”, etc. Derek, are you saying that kids aren’t important? Absolutely not. But as soon as you make them number one, they are in a place that only Christ should be. If they are number two, they are in a place that only your spouse should be. Kids are number three. Any other priority, and things begin to fall apart, as you have elevated your kids out of their proper spot on the totem pole of life. By elevating your kids above your spouse, you are in effect sacrificing your wife to the ‘god’ of your kids. This principle applies to anything. If you waste your salary on alcohol, you are sacrificing your salary to the ‘god’ of alcohol. If you use your entire life to strive after the American Dream, you are sacrificing your life to the ‘god’ of the American Dream. Jon, Kate, and countless other families are not exempt from this temptation of idolatry. They have sacrificed one another on the altar of their eight children, who even have their own temple of worship now (the house). What Jon and Kate have unknowingly and unwittingly done is combined their eight gorgeous, cute, adorable children into one ugly, monstrous, horrific idol that they both have sacrificed for. Jon and Kate Plus Eight has become Jon and Kate Plus One

Hope in the Midst of Trial

While my heart breaks for not only the children, but for Jon and Kate as well, I know that there is hope. All things are reconciled back into harmony if things are in their proper place, starting with Christ at number one. We all tend to put things in the top place in our lives (our hearts are ‘perpetual idol factories’): from success to alcohol to pornography to our wives and children. But only Jesus should be number one. Because of His sacrifice, all the rest makes sense. Because of His love for us, our relationships can be reconciled, our children can be loved, and our marriages have meaning beyond just communal parenthood. So Christ is number 1. Our marriages, as the best earthly picture for what Christ has done for us, comes in at number 2, while our kids, through whom we show the Fatherly love of God for us as His children, comes in at number 3. The hope for Jon, Kate, their children, and all of us who struggle with similar situations is the Cross of Christ, and the result of putting Him first. We all must repent of our idols and turn to Him alone: whether the idols are our children or something else.

Speaking not from Mind, but from Heart

This may seem all very pompous and arrogant until you realize something about me: I was part of the ‘eight’, so to speak. The children’s story from this reality television show is my story. My parents divorced at age 15, mainly because I think they were so focused on us (my brother, my sister, and myself) as children instead of first on Christ, and secondly on one another. I don’t blame myself for this. I don’t blame my siblings for this. It’s an issue of idolatry, complacency, and apathy. I pray that countless couples across America see what has happened in Jon and Kate’s lives and turn to Jesus before it’s too late.

A Letter for Jon and Kate

They may never read this, but here goes.

Jon:

As one man to another, I want to challenge you. You are not your own God. Yes, you are 32. Yes, you have much to live for. Yes, wives can be aggravating. Yes, children can be exasperating. But nothing worth doing is easy. Sometimes the best things in life are worth sacrificing for. I understand your frustration, your pain, your feeling like you are often run over. I understand that. But as men, we are called to live sacrifically for our wives. This is the Gospel, isn’t it? Jesus lay His rights aside for us the Church as His bride. He didn’t have to die for us. He didn’t deserve to die for us. He had no business being here among us. But because of His love for us, He chose to lay aside His rights (Philippians 2) in order to humble Himself, and sacrifice for us, no matter the pain and hurt it cost Him. Thank God He didn’t only think about Himself like you and I so often do! Instead, He lay down His life for His beautiful bride, and we celebrate still today because of it. I would challenge you to lay down your want for independence and freedom from your wife, and instead sacrifice for her, and find your joy in first Jesus, and then Kate. In the midst of that joyful union with one another, you will find your freedom there, and your children will be blessed! Know that you are loved by the Body of Christ.

Kate:

I know that you are distressed, and know no way out. But I want to encourage you to cling to Jesus tighter than ever in the midst of this trial. You will feel lonely, stressed, and tired. But know that He comforts those in need, and gives rest to the weary. As a bride, you have been called to love your husband to Jesus. To disciple him, to encourage him, to love him even when he doesn’t deserve it, which I’m sure is often. But that’s what we as men desire more than anything: a counterpart who will love us when we don’t deserve it. We need grace just like you do. We need a companion just like you do. Someone who cares, who shows justice, and who isn’t afraid to tell us that we’re being pigheaded. Your children need a Christ-figure through the midst of this trial. I would challenge you to be that Christ-figure, and to spur Jon to do the same. Kate, you are loved more deeply by Jesus than you could ever know. Cling to Him tightly. Know also that you are loved by the Body of Christ.